a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
