I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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