I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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