I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize