..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize