the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
