I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
