I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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