My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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