Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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