Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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