This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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