He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
