i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
