at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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