Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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