Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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