yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
