come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
They have beer where we have blood.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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