i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
