Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
