Who wears a wallet chain?!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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