he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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