The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
