I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize