I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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