She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize