I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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