Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize