she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
