$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
