waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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