I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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