The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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