So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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