My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did I show you my penis last night?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
