I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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