Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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