sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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