he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
