she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
A+ Viking dick
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
