Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
