Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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