If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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