she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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