Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
