the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
