I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
