is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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