please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
