Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
