you traded sex for a burrito?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
