I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
