Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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