I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
