i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
