Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
