If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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