That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
