i barfeds in our rink
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
