You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
