question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
