You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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