No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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