In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
