I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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