you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
