It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
