Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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