My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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