he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
