never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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