He kissed a someone with a penis
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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