haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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