Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
