Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize