i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
