Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We are two peas in an std pod
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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