Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
