I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize