I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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