I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
