drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
