Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
