He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
