mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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