He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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