Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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