I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
