i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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