Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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