hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
