Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
