please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
