Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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