So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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