The maid of honor just puked.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
