Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
