woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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