i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just had sex on a roof
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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