what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
