Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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