I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My penis needs a shock collar
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
