I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
