dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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