How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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